Kim Kardashian Makes Up ‘No Jewelry Policy’ For New House

You hear that, you Parisian jewelry thieves?! THERE’S NOTHING IN HERE!! More »

Paris Hilton Is Engaged to That Guy Who’s Not a Billionaire

Actor Chris Zylka is practically a hobo compared to her other former fiancés. More »

Good Morning, Iggy Azalea’s Giant Cold Sore

What a pleasant suprprise, so nice of you to stop by! More »

Today’s Links Brought to You by Whatever Is on Meghan Markle’s Head

I think it’s a gourmet chocolate… or a poop hat. Could go either way. More »

Lewis Hamilton Told His Nephew He Was “Weird” for Wearing a Dress

Shaming a little boy for wearing a princess dress in front of millions on Snapchat… What could go wrong? More »

Izabel Goulart and Kevin Trapp Are Both Better Looking Than You

I probably ate half of an 18 pound turkey yesterday while these two did supermodel stuff on a Caribbean beach, so yes… I do have self-confidence issues. More »

Paris Hilton Built a Night Club in Her House

This koala thinks it looks like a tacky Tim Burton nightmare but he’s too much of a pussy to say anything to her face. More »

Hugh Hefner Isn’t Giving Inheritance to Kids Without Sobriety Test

The Playboy fortune, built on hookers and blow, is not to be spent on… hookers and blow. More »

Maria Hering’s Flotation Devices Seem to Work Well

In case of emergency, take your face and place them between the flotation devices and go “BLURARURUAR” like a motor boat.

… Ah, man. We’re havin’ fun today. More »

Amber Heard and Elon Musk Are Billion Dollar Banging Again

I guess Amber Heard changed her mind and decided to re-secure her spot on that doomsday space rocket… yes, that’s a double entendre. More »

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